Forgive us Our Debts..

Forgiveness is a bit of a difficult area for me... not because I'm a mean insensitive *****... but because it's something that simply takes time... Today in Theological Reflections we discussed the power of forgiveness and I began to examine how I forgive or rather fail to forgive others. I shared with the group about how forgiving my parents is something that I have to actively work towards on a daily basis.

I also have a difficult time forgiving those that hurt me to the core.-- As I get older I'm learning to let things go.... but after I let it go I still don't want anything to do with someone that intentionally sought to hurt me.. I guess it goes back to that age old saying-- Fool me Once, Shame on You, Fool me Twice, Shame on Me.... I think that's why getting over my last relationship was so difficulty because I was fooled twice and I should have never looked back. According to my role models on Sex in the City, It takes half the time of the relationship to get over a person or get to the point of forgiveness. That was a long process for me; however, once I truly let go I was able live my life again and enjoy every moment of being me. So I guess forgiveness is a good thing....

Recently I began interacting with my first girlfriend more often that I'd ever been able to do since we broke up in 2004. I told her after we broke up that I hoped that one day we would be able to be friends and although it took 7 years in order to reach this point, the act of reaching this point gives me hope in all failed relationships/friendships etc.. With healing and forgiveness anything is possible. I'm focusing on this relationship because I'm friends or at least civil with all of my exes with the exception of one. One that I'm not even sure I would ever want to be cordial with. But after forgivness healing and wellness can occur... At least that's my opinion. If we forgive others, God will Forgive us....

Treesie Z.

Growth and Maturity...

Since I'm sitting under this blazing hot dryer I thought I'd take a moment to reflect over the past 10 years of my life... on September 11, 2001 I was sitting in my BUSA 1900 class (Surfing the Internet for Success)--- a bird course that I decided to take my freshman year at SUWG... I didn't realize when I signed up for the course during our summer orientation that it would be one of the only classes that i truly remembered from my time at UWG.. About 45 minutes into our 8:00 a.m. class (a class I was of course not too fond of) our teacher directed us to CNN.com where we were informed of a plane flying through the first tower.... minutes later we watched as the 2nd plane went through the 2nd tower... We were immediately released from class and the rest of our classes were canceled for the day... As I left the Richard College of Business building I walked back to my dorm room (Row Hall 2E) and I was completely dumbfounded and afraid... 1) Because I had no clue what the World Trade Center was and 2) because I was afraid that an attack might come to Georgia.... Ignorance and Selfishness are the two thoughts that go through my mind as I recall that day 10 years ago...

However; 10 years later, I can't even think about the 9/11 attack or watch a movie or documentary about the attack without crying my eyes out... on August 20, 2010 I had the opportunity to stay across the street from Ground Zero at the Hilton Millenium Hotel and each night I looked out of our hotel window as the memorial site was constructed.... I can only imagine the devastation that took place on that day and the amount of pain that this national disaster caused.... 10 years later I look back with an empathetic heart and I extend my heart felt condolenses to all of those who were affected by the attack...

Looking back, I can't help but to examine why as an 18 year old freshman college student I lacked the ability to fully understand the significance of the loss that our country suffered as a nation and the individual loses that each family member/survivor suffered... I am however grateful that God has now given me the capacity to love endlessly and provided me with a new heart. I'm even learning that I've grown in my personal relationships.... One of my mother's Wendy Brewer used to always make this statement "What a Difference a Day Makes"---- Really.. Thank you God for making a difference in me....

Treesie Z.

Ain't Nothin' Like "FAMILY"

I had so much fun this weekend... Spend a substantial amount of time with a few of my favorite people... On Friday night I got to hang out with my fave Lesbian couple and one of my favorite people.. I met both of these awesome young ladies during a time period in my life when I was torn, hurt, and damaged... 3 years later we were in the Park kickin it as if we have known each other for decades.. LOL--- such an awesome experience and a wonderful blessing to be blessed by these beautiful souls.... I'm grateful to God for blessing me with wonderful friends, a supportive family, and an awesome fiance.---- What more could a girl ask for.. The only thing missing from this weekend was my BFF-- Got to spend time with my family and to go to my little cousin's game.. Ain't nothng like family... LOL and ain't nothing like FAMILY!!!! Time for bed...

Treesie Z.

If I Just Cry....

I have a three week long migraine that just won't go away.. Not quite sure why it keeps coming back... every night when I lay down I clear my mind and make room for happy thoughts.. but when I awake all of my problems are back at the frontal lobe of my big fat brain.... how then do I then begin to release the necessary endorphins that will produce the feeling of euphoria that I so long for.. or am I doomed to spend the next year and a half stressed out about things that are not within my control...

My brain hurts so bad... I just want the pain to go away.. I feel as if the only thing that will help me at this very moment is if I cry... If I could find one small moment in time that I could take about 30 minutes and sob and weep before the Lord--- God I'm praying for your Peace that Passeth all of my understanding.. because I know that I can do nothing in and of myself.. Lord please release this inner pain... Teach me to surrender my thoughts to you and think on whatsoever things are lovely and peaceful and all of that good stuff.. God I am losing this inner battle and stress is building up in my body.... Release this pain so that I may embrace the joy... Thank you God for Serenity...

Treesie Z.